![]() Does an affair mean the end of the relationship?Īffairs will mean the end of some relationships. It’s a critical part of healing the relationship and any repairing any breaks in the armour around you both that made it possible for someone else to walk through. This is no excuse for an affair, but understanding what drove the affair is key to being able to move forward. These needs include validation, love, connection, affection, intimacy and nurturing – but there are plenty more. Relationships change shape over time and with that, sometimes the very human needs that we all have will get left behind. We all will.Īffairs often aren’t about people wanting to be in a different relationship, but about wanting the relationship they are in to be different. What they are is human, and even the good ones will make catastrophic mistakes sometimes. They aren’t liars and they aren’t betrayers and they aren’t bad. And most people who cheat aren’t cheaters. Most people who have affairs are in love with their original partners. ![]() The versions of grey can make good humans look like bad ones it can make love that is real feel dead for a while. Does infidelity mean a falling out of love?Īnything we humans are involved in is never black and white. It beats down self-esteem and a sense of place and belonging in the relationship for both people, but it doesn’t have to mean an end to the relationship. It call everything into question – who we believe we are, what we believe we had, or were working towards, our capacity to love, to trust, and our faith in our judgement. Infidelity steals the foundations on which at least one person in the relationship found their solid, safe place to be. Whatever the reason for an affair, the emotional toll on the people and the relationship is brutal. And all the while these worlds, they feel so separate, but they become tangled and woven, one into the other, and then that real world with its real love and its real people are never the same again. A moment where there’s an almighty collision between the real world with its real love and real people and real problems that all of us go through, and the world that is forbidden and exciting and hypnotic with promises. One small, stupid, opportunistic moment that changes everything, but acts as though it will change nothing. ![]() It happens because there is a moment that starts it all. It happens because of lies, the big ones, the ones we tell ourselves – ‘it won’t mean anything’, ‘nobody will know’, ‘it won’t do any harm’. It happens because there’s a moment when the opportunity for this to happen is wide open and full of aliveness and temptation and it’s exciting and it’s there and it acts like it can keep a secret and as though it won’t’ do any damage at all. It happens because of arrogance or a lack of self-control or because of that thing in all of us that wants to feel adored or heroic or important or powerful or as though we matter. Or because of smugness or ignorance or a widening ache or an emptiness or the need to know ‘what else is there’. None of them good ones. It happens because of ego or stupidity or breakage. Infidelity happens for plenty of reasons. ![]()
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